It's official, I'm truly living the retired life, now. Last week I pulled my slacks up to my nipples, installed some new tennis balls on my walker and accompanied my grandmother and about 40 other whiteheads on a senior bus trip out to the Fantasy Springs Casino in Palm Springs. The day started ominously when I arrived at the casino and found that the poker room had been shut down the week previous (would have been nice if they'd updated their website to reflect the closure). Scratch that, the true low-point of the day probably came when I boarded the bus and the two ladies who couldn't fit together in the seat in front of me were arguing about who's ass was bigger and then asked my opinion.

Anyway, back to the casino, I bided my time in the morning by playing a little Pai Gow and then I rejoined the group for lunch at the buffet. What a grand time we had - there was so much to complain about! The melons weren't ripe, they put ice in the water (had to send those back) and the girl took too long bringing out the coffee. Fortunately, they had sugar-free desserts so we were all able to indulge.

Following lunch, I spent a little more time on the Pai Gow table and then went to check on how the others were doing. I found one of my grandmother's good friends on the video poker machines, so I sat down next to him and threw $20 into an adjacent machine. About 20 minutes later, I notice the following cards on the screen: Ten-King-Jack-Queen of clubs and a King of spades. I took a chance and held the clubs and dumped the extra King. Imagine my surprise when the King was replaced by the Ace of clubs, giving me a Royal Flush! Cha-Ching! Suddenly the closed poker room wasn't such a bad thing.

The bus picked us up shortly thereafter and brought us back to the safety of Hemet, albeit too late to catch the Early Bird specials.