You know why I prefer going out in San Francisco over San Diego; I mean, aside from the more interesting bars, multidimensional people, and ability to get home without worrying about having to drive? The restrooms are all too small for a bathroom attendant to set up shop.

There’s nothing I find more irritating than dealing with Bathroom Attendant Guy. It’s always the same experience, too; when the time comes to wash my hands, I approach the sink which has been converted into a porcelain oasis surrounded on all sides by various potions and products, all designed to change the smell of breath or body. Bathroom Attendant Guy, who always seems to be wearing a white shirt tucked half-way into a pair black pants that don’t fit, rushes over with his little squirt bottle of soap, shoots a few drops into my hands and simultaneously turns on the tap (because these are all things I’m incapable of doing on my own). As I wash my hands I get hit with the always classic, “what’s up, bro, how’s the night treating you?” Meanwhile, I’m looking into the mirror, watching hordes of guys walk behind and out the door forsaking cleanliness in an effort to avoid dealing with this guy. Rinsing my hands, I now await the always flourished finish, where Bathroom Attendant Guy removes a couple of paper towels from his stack, gives them a quick flick of the wrist ensuring that they spin a full two rotations before alighting on the counter next to me all the while flashing me a toothy grin in hopes of garnishing a healthy tip. Which leads me to my next issue - I’m all about tipping when it’s appropriate; however, when I’m in a situation where unsolicited (and unnecessary) service has been thrust upon me, I don’t feel that tipping is appropriate. Don’t get me wrong, I’m appreciative of the guy’s help, in this case, and I always make it a point to look him in the eye and thank him but, again, I did not request or want help washing my hands. On the other hand, if I do use any of the multitudes of products laid out before me, I will definitely compensate him because now he has provided a desired service. Finally, if I’ve seen the guy on multiple occasions throughout the night, I’ll throw him a couple bucks at the end of the evening as a gesture of goodwill, knowing that he’s just doing his job and probably has to deal with a lot of lousy people in the course of a night.

Maybe I should undertake putting myself in Bathroom Attendant Guy’s shoes for a night to get an inside perspective on the whole thing. Then again, do I really want to put on a bowtie to sit in a bathroom and experience people doing their business all night?